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First Impressions in the Modern Black Dating Scene
The days of general courtship are gone. The good old days of seeing a woman, talking to her, getting her phone number, and waiting a day to call are damn near extinct. Today, the game is brand new, largely because everybody is crazy nowadays.
A few years ago, I was getting off the train, and I saw this young lady reading the book “On The Down Low.” The first thing I wanted to do was walk over to this chick and say, “don’t believe everything you read sistah.”
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And you know what? She would have pegged me as one of the DL brothas referenced in the book – all in a matter of seconds. That’s when it dawned on me: the first few seconds of any interaction between the sexes is the most vital. People say first impressions are lasting. Well, I say first impressions aren’t only lasting anymore, they are damning. I blame changing times and attitudes about dating…and that book “On the Down Low.” I honestly think that book has done more damage to the dating scene in the black community than Bobby and Whitney.
I’ve never read the book so I can’t comment on its contents, but the author, J.L. King’s appearance on Oprah and the eventual bestsellerizing of his book have f*cked up the game something awful. I’ll admit that there are DL brothas out there. I work at a club where we have a night where they run rampant. But I’ll be damned if EVERYBODY is a candidate.
The big problem is that there is a dating gap in the black community. Yes there are more successful women then there are black men. And now all these women are looking at random things Black men do to determine if he’s gay from jump, creating a further rift because now you’re just PISSING us off.
And what does this have to do with the first 30 seconds? Well, its been stated that women know whether they would sleep with a man within the first 5 seconds of meeting him. Well, I doubt that now. Maybe it USED to be that way, but, like Obama, sh*t changed.
It USED to be that a man was aiming to convince the woman that she wouldn’t lose anything by taking a shot on him. Getting the woman to smile sincerely, or laugh was usually a good sign. It’s all a game and everybody knows it so you just used your best stuff…even if your best is just being yourself.
So what’s the game like now?
Well, within the first 30 seconds the dude must convince you that: he’s NOT gay, isn’t a convict, isn’t on drugs, has no kids, has a kid but is taking care of his kid(s), has a job, has a LEGAL job, doesn’t live with his momma, that he’s NOT gay, doesn’t live with another woman (or man) that he’s sleeping with, isn’t married, that he’s NOT gay, doesn’t live with his baby momma, has a car, has a car that runs, passed the SAT on his first try, can spell onomatopoeia, can’t spell B-R-O-K-E, isn’t broke, that he’s NOT gay, etc.
It’s so crazy to me that it used to be that a man would have to do something to convince a woman that he was gay somewhere along the lines, if it wasn’t readily apparent.
Now men, specifically black men, have to prove that we aren’t.
I’m not saying men aren’t to blame at all here. Dudes been acting really crazy behind women as of late. I don’t know what happened but men are becoming as erratic and emotional as women are STEREOTYPED to be. But still…
Fellas…just remember you got 30 seconds to convince this woman that you are worth talking too, AND that you aren’t some DL brotha. I’d tell you how to do it but I have no idea because nowadays, everybody’s a suspect.
So sad, JoJo. So sad.